A Journey of Heartbreak—Comparison, Self-Sabotage, and Being the Thief of Your Own Joy

More Stories on Chronic Pain and What It Really Means to Cultivate a Sustainable Path to Peace in and Through the Body.

Chronic pain isn’t just physical; it’s emotional, energetic, and the accumulation of years of unexpressed emotion, comparison, and self-sabotage. It’s the weight of heartbreak in the marrow and bones, a fascial matrix of memories, beating with the blood of ancestors. At the core of it all, there’s one story my body keeps telling: the story of how I continue to give my power away to the masculine—whether to men, circumstance, or the patriarchal programming of our CULTure—without asking for a damn thing in return, often at the expense of intuitive knowing.

For years, I lived in the shadow of comparison, measuring my worth and success against external markers—other people’s achievements, expectations, and societal standards of being strong, capable, and self-sufficient. I believed that to stand out, I needed to live up to these ‘masculine, left-brain’ ideals of productivity, performance, and control. I repressed my own innate ‘feminine, right-brain’ energy—the part of me that is intuitive, creative, and deeply passionate. Instead, I pushed harder, partied to numb, and drove myself to burnout as my body slowly began to break down.

It started with my foot injury—a story of not feeling safe to express my truth and an inability to act on my own deeper needs over the desires of another. This chronic injury eventually led to surgery, and now it’s something I manage for life—my particular brand of 💩. But even as my foot healed physically, the pain moved through the kinetic chain, never just staying in one place. It spread to my hips, low back, shoulders, and neck, all carrying the weight of something much deeper. It’s a golden thread woven through generations, a legacy of valuing doing over being, proving over pausing, and carrying on without ever breaking. I gave my power away to this conditioning that told me I wasn’t enough unless I constantly put my own needs aside.

In doing so, I became the thief of my own joy. Pain became my teacher, but it taught me to listen—to really listen—not just to the physical symptoms, but to the underlying emotional and energetic patterns driving the pain and sabotaging my joy. My shoulder pain wasn’t just about a rib being out of place; it was about the burden of carrying expectations that weren’t mine, breaking my own heart. My foot pain wasn’t just about an injury; it was about feeling unsupported, by myself, both physically and emotionally. The stiffness in my body? The result of years of holding back—my true feelings, needs, and desires.

I now see that these stories were conditioned into me by my mother, her mother, and so on. I can forgive myself (and them) because these stories are not the truth; they’re a design we’ve all inherited. Now, I’m here to resolve these patterns and my body is showing me how, guiding me toward a different path.

Cultivating a sustainable path to peace in and through the body requires something radical: the willingness to reclaim the power you’ve given away. It means letting go of comparison, needing external validation, and honoring your body as the captain of your journey. It’s not about pushing through or forcing; it’s about surrendering to what is, letting your body’s wisdom guide you, and trusting that healing is always happening. Healing is not a destination you’ll arrive at someday—it’s happening now, in every moment, by your conscious decisions to change.

I have transformed the heartbreak of self-sabotage into the greatest gift of my life. My inner creature is not my enemy—she’s my guide. She’s the map that leads me back to my heart, to the parts of me that were neglected, ignored, or abandoned in the pursuit of external validation and success. True power doesn’t come from doing more or being more; it comes from reclaiming the parts of yourself you’ve chronically given away, censored, or repressed. It comes from standing firmly in your truth and honoring the sacred relationship with your body.

For those walking a similar path—feeling the weight of comparison, self-judgment, and chronic pain—peace is possible. But peace doesn’t come from fighting the pain, trying to capitalize on it, or victimizing yourself by forcing yourself into a mold. Peace comes from listening to your pain, acknowledging the deeper emotional and energetic patterns that need resolution, and permitting yourself to live authentically.

Cultivating a sustainable path to peace in and through the body means letting go of the need to compare yourself to others or an idealized version of yourself, to some ‘cultural norm’ or societal standards. It means trusting that your body is always working in your favor, even when it feels like it’s “betraying” you. There’s a deeper intelligence at play, a mystery worth getting curious about. Healing isn’t linear—it’s nuanced, layered, cyclical, and always deeply personal. Healing is a lifestyle of growing self-awareness, not a moment you “arrive” at.

Today, as I uncover more layers of wisdom through my body, I choose to stop being the thief of my joy by comparing myself to the world around me. I choose to stop giving my power away to ideals and people who no longer serve me. I choose to walk this path of peace with my body as my most trusted guide, knowing that every step—no matter how painful or uncomfortable—leads me exactly where I need to be. And instead of resisting, I ask myself, “How is this usable?”

This knowing is how I help myself drop urgency, manage stressors with proper boundaries, and cultivate this path to peace sustainably, in and through my body. One day at a time, baby.

Ready to reclaim your depth and walk this path of peace? HMU anytime 💌—it’s always a good time to invest in your depth, my love.✌🏼