I have what I want and I want what I have.

Transforming co-dependent patterns of relating with wholehearted acceptance.

Are you in relationships with people because of who they are or because of their potential?

Maybe you’re well intentioned.

But it’s a very different frequency of attachment.

One is at peace, one loves themselves first.

The other says, “You need to change for me to feel better.”

That’s codependent.

That’s putting full responsibility on someone else.

That’s giving your power away.

That’s playing the victim, the rescuer, and the judge.

That’s a lot of drama.

That’s not what you came here for.

You came here for peace.

For love.

Say it with me 3x:

“I have what I want and I want what I have.”

If acceptance is what opens the heart, then this statement is the affirmation.

To move forward in any way, we have to be fully in the reality in front of us.

In a world that often promotes a “grass is greener” mindset, this statement encourages contentment and gratitude for the present moment.

Living in a colonized culture often means we’re conditioned to seek fulfillment outside of ourselves, constantly chasing the next best thing.

However, by embracing the idea that “I have what I want and I want what I have,” you’re choosing to find satisfaction and joy in your current circumstances.

This mindset shifts the focus from what is lacking to what is abundant, fostering a sense of peace and wholeness.

Acceptance of where we are is the foundation of true manifestation and forward movement.

It’s about recognizing and appreciating our current reality, acknowledging our strengths and resources, and using them as a platform for growth.

When we deny our present situation, we create resistance and hinder our progress.

But when we accept and embrace our now, we open ourselves to genuine transformation and the possibility of manifesting our deepest desires from a place of authenticity and abundance.

In relationships, I find myself balancing being present with the person in front of me and dropping potential—subconscious expectations and old toxic patterns of relating that I am well aware of and devoted to changing for good.

I notice when I start to expect him to be the way that “ideally” someone would be—like a mind reader, you know? This is a deeply ingrained pattern in how we all relate to one another and specifically a family wound I am here to overcome.

Growing up in a family system marked by mental illness and addiction, I became familiar with the shadow of co-dependency. I often clung to the idea of an “ideal” family or partner, believing that achieving this ideal would solve everything. I eventually realized that idealism suggests stagnancy—an unattainable fixed point.

Through my relationship with myself and my body, I learned that the pursuit of perfection only keeps me caught in a cycle of suffering, of… stagnancy. I had to move beyond that limiting belief.

I had to let go of the notion of an ‘ideal’ family or an ‘ideal’ partner. While there can be ideal moments, shared values, boundaries, and requirements, expecting perfection as a permanent state is unrealistic and sets us up for disappointment.

I recognize when I fall into patterns of expecting things from him, projecting my agenda, creating problems that aren’t there, and building resentment towards a shadow shaped by generational conditioning.

Instead of reverting to old codependent behaviors—waiting for him to fix things, stewing in sadness and resentment—I ask for my needs to be met.

The codependent person (me) projects the need for help. The codependent person (me) subconsiously believes they (I) need fixing.

The codependent person is the one lacking integrity.

👀🫦

I need to fix my problems. I need to be willing to ask for help.

I need to get good at saying, “I need this from you. Can you please help me?”

He is here to be who he is and that is exactly why we’re together. I can work with that, like my soul called in, or stay trapped in my habits, mistaking expectations for love, keeping my heart closed, and saboting a really good thing.

Also, men LOVE to be needed. They LOVE to help and fix things.

They want to serve your oracle woman.

So if you can do the work to accept and forgive your past and then love yourself enough to be humble and just ask for your needs to be met…

You’ll cultivate a path to peace for both of you.

Don’t get caught in polarizing “king” and “queen” lingo. Although meant for self-sovereignty, we’re all just humans, learning to be human, learning to love and be loved.

We’re all just doing our best to open up the middle path and walk each other home.

So be with people for the love of who they are, not who you want yourself to be. Yes, read it again.

So can you really say, “I have what I want and I want what I have.”

If yes, good. 

Keep it up.

If not, good. 

Change it.

😮‍💨🤟🏼